I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant...

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love...I will.







I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.







Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.











I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.






As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

another ranting

I know we all have that one person who gets under our skin no matter how hard we try - well let me introduce you to my biggest pain in the rear... my mother-in-law.

This woman has been a thorn in my side for the past 17 years and I gotta say that I could definitely live without her, however, she is my hubby's mother and grandmother to my children. Although she acts like neither one.

I'm sure y'all have figured out that we're going through some financial difficulty, so I asked this woman if we could borrow some money. She says she'll see what she can do and then get back to us - that was over 3 weeks ago now. She's not answering our phone calls, our text messages or our e-mails.

This woman has butted into my life on numerous occassions - she told us that we should wait to get married until after I gave birth to my 2nd child (Terry's first)-we didn't wait. Then after we got married and had Josh, she told us that since his oldest sister lost a child the same day Josh was born that we should have her & her hubby be his godparents - which we did (however when I had to go through treatments for my cervical cancer and then couldn't have anymore children she didn't step in to tell oldest sister to ask us to be godparents for their last child).
She makes promises to our kids that she doesn't keep, but will go out of her way for Terry's sisters kids.

Terry doesn't have the balls to tell this woman to quit the crap and stop treating all of us so shittily! I gotta say, I've definitely had enough! I haven't done a damn thing except be the best mom I know how to my kids and be a good wife to my husband - I know that's what I want for my daughters-in-law when the time comes.

How can a mom treat 2 of her kids so wonderfully and then crap on the 3rd? I try my best to treat my 3 boys all the same - I totally understand that no one can love each of them exactly the same way because they're 3 different human beings, but they are definitely loved the same amount.

I keep meaning to get back in here and post something, but then I get busy with something else. The damn laundry needs doing AGAIN, I think it and the dishes multiply when I'm not looking or the neighbors are bringing theirs over!!

I'm working on 2 different sewing projects right now, a christmas stocking for my cousin's son and a table cloth for my great-aunt Glady. Both will be beautiful when I'm done, but I forget how much time this stuff takes.

Then there's the job hunting - yeah right, that would suggest that there are jobs out there to be had!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I'm not giving up, I'm just fed up with all there is to do. I understand I'm at home and not "working" but I sure could use some help. When I do suggest it, I just get that look and then they grudgingly do stuff. I just wanna take the day off from stressing over everything........I don't wanna worry about paying bills with non-existent money, doing the laundry, making phone calls, dishes, what are we having for dinner??, anything and everything!!

I don't want to go anywhere or do anything for anyone. If I wanna sit at the computer all day and just look at facebook or myspace or play a game on msn or pogo so be it.

Phew - thanks for listening!!

Good News!!

I just waned to let everyone know the good news!!! We found a house to rent... it's 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms - HUGE!! The rent is even cheaper than our old house payment!!

Thank you for your prayers on this for my family and most of all thank you God!! Thank you for seeing my family through this rough time and helping us.

We move this weekend - so far it's me, hubby, our sons (although Logan has to work all day Saturday), and a couple of friends! I'm hoping more people show up, we've always dropped our stuff for everyone else - to do things for them, whatever they need, whenever they needed. I'm hoping all goes well!




Unfortunately, I am still applying for jobs and haven't had any responses. This is going to be another long road. I am praying for a job with decent pay and decent benefits that isn't too far from home. Lord hear my prayers.

OMG, I'm ready for a new year!!!!!

This past week was the worst way to end such a horrible year! On Wednesday, my house was foreclosed on through a sheriff's auction. On Friday, work pulled me into a meeting and told me "the economy hasn't gotten better as they had hoped and no longer needed my services" (I'm out of a job)!! Then on Sunday, my 76 year old Grandma fell in her driveway and hit her head - she's all right, just going to be stiff and sore a lot longer.

This past week reminded me of a few weeks out of 1999. We had just bought the house the end of September, a week later a different employer said they no longer had a position due to my restrictions and let me go, and then a week after that my mom died.

I believe in God, I believe in Karma, I believe that I will get through this. I just wish that I could catch a break because I don't want to have to deal with anymore of this. My family and I have been through enough in the past few years, we just want a chance to recover without feeling like we're getting kicked while we're already down.


Today is a very busy day for me: if my boys have school - I will be dropping them off, then I have to take a few things back to my former employer. When I get home I need to call unemployment and go over their questionnaire, then start sorting through my stuff and deciding what I want to sell on craigslist, give away to Goodwill (St. Vincent de Paul), what gets packed for storage and what goes with us wherever we're moving to.

I also have to figure out where we're moving to, I need to call some ads I've seen in the paper and go check them out. I'm just hoping to keep my kids in their respective schools, because they don't want to lose their house, their friends, and their school all this month.

I've got some friends that are willing to help us move to wherever we are going. I've got to call around and see what other help is available around this time of year. And then I need to start making a list of places I can go to find a job. This is such a sucky time to be doing this!!!



Dear Lord, please help me to understand what I am going through right now, I need some help getting through this for me and for my family. Please help me find my way so I don't get lost

Yahoo!!

I've got some great news!!!!! Logan is moving back home!! I am so happy that I'll have all my babies under one roof again.

He was having numerous problems at his father's and now he decided that he wanted to come home to his momma!

Thank you God for bringing my son back to me!!

Me vs Raptor

Boo-Ya!!!!!! Give this a try and see how long you could survive!!

I could survive for 1 minute, 6 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor